Carter Thomas Hutson

Sorry I haven't posted in forever but a lot has happened.  Here is the birth story of Carter.  The weeks before Carter's birth were filled with contractions which made me think I was in labor.  The plan all along was to be induced on July 9th (39 weeks) so I was happy to know that was the latest I would have my baby. I took heparin injections throughout my pregnancy due to the losses that I had previously.  The shots were tough as I had to take them twice a day at 7am and 7pm. I had to schedule my life around giving myself these shots.  I joked that I felt like a drug addict because I would give my shots wherever I was which included public restrooms, the car, etc.  Since the heparin shots thin your blood they wanted me to be off of them when I delivered so I didn't bleed to death.

I went in to Willow Creek Women's hospital on Sunday July 8th to start the process.  I think I over packed because it looked like I was moving in and I only used a few things out of my many bags.  They got me all hooked up after letting a new nurse put in my IV who blew my vein (ouch!).  They gave me medication to make my cervix soften.  Grayson went and got me my last meal (Jason's Deli).  The doctor let me walk around the hospital and Grayson was in charge of following me around the hospital with the IV pole.  I then took the doctor up on the offer of an Ambien to go to sleep.  I figured it was the only time I would get a sleeping pill and it would be the last full night of sleep for a while.  I guess the Ambien worked because I don't even remember anything after I swallowed the pill.  When the nurse woke me up at 6 she asked me how I slept.  I said "Great!".  She then told me that she had been in my room almost every hour during the night because Carter kept moving off the monitor and she kept coming in and messing with my belly. I didn't even know she was messing with me.


At 6 am on Monday July 9th they started the Pitocin.  I started having harder contractions but it wasn't too unbearable.  At 8 am Dr. Hinton arrived.  Dr. Hinton is the best doctor I could ever have.  She was with me through both of my losses and worked hard to figure out why I kept losing babies.  Her bedside manner is incredible.  She broke my water and put Carter on an internal monitor which screws into his head since he kept moving off the belly monitor. Between 8-10am I don't remember much.  I guess my contractions really picked up because I was in the zone.  At 10 I finally gave up and asked for an epidural.  I had wanted to go natural but felt I still had so long to go that I didn't think I could make it.   It is hard to describe labor pain but I kept telling Grayson that I was dying if that gives you a clue.  It feels like someone is ripping your insides out.  I guess since I was in so much pain the anesthesiologist came really fast.  They immediately gave me my epidural and then decided to see how far dilated I was.  To all of our surprise, I was already 10cm and ready to push. If they had checked me 5 minutes earlier, before the epidural, then I would have been pushing. Since I didn't feel a thing they made me wait to push.  I sat in bed watching "The Chew" on tv and eating a popsicle. That was the best cherry popsicle I have ever had.  I think I started pushing between 11-11:30.  I still couldn't feel anything.  I tried to pick my leg up and it just fell over.  I had no control over the lower half of my body.  I kept asking if I was pushing right cause I really couldn't feel anything.  Carter's head was turned to the side so they were wanting to use forceps but once I heard that word I started really pushing.  At 12:16 pm my little miracle baby came out screaming. It was such a relief to have him in my arms.  He weighed 7 pounds 5 ounces and was 20.5 inches long.

Life has a way of surprising us

It's been a long time but I thought I was finally ready to update.  I am pregnant with a sweet baby boy!!! I am due in July and am so excited for every little uncomfortable kick and bit of exhaustion.  Here is a letter I wrote a couple weeks ago that sums up how I feel about hope.

Life has a way of surprising us. Sometimes things go as planned and sometimes we wonder what we could have done differently to change the outcome.  When Grayson and I decided to start our family last year we thought it would be a piece of cake.  Last January I could never have even thought I would go through what I went through.  God had a different plan then I had planned out.  After my first loss I was angry with God.  I felt betrayed.  I did a lot of crying those first weeks which led to a lot of praying.  I mainly prayed for peace and understanding during this storm of life.  I told God I didn’t know his purpose but I prayed I would understand it someday.  To my surprise I became pregnant three weeks after my surgery.  I swore, at the time, that God was blessing my again and things would be different.  It seemed like deja vue with the next loss.  Same doctors, same nurses, same heartbreak. I truly felt like a failure as a woman.  I couldn’t even carry out God’s command, “Go forth and multiply”.  My dreams of having children were broken.  We decided to take two months off so I could have testing done. I focused on making myself positive.  I couldn’t change what happened to me but I could change my attitude.  I started going to a bible study called “Navigating Life’s Interruptions”, went to acupuncture, did yoga, and listened to positive relaxation music.  I put my life in God’s hands since obviously my plan for life wasn’t working.  The week before finding out I was pregnant for the 3^rd time I had a long prayer with God.  I prayed that I would be blessed with a child that I could raise.  At the end of my prayer I sat in quiet tears.  At that moment I heard the words I will never forget, “It will be”.  Those three simple words were God telling me not to give up because if I believe in his timing then it will truly be.  This is the only time I can say that I know I heard God speaking to me.  I am still holding onto those three simple and powerful words.  The past few months have been a blur of weekly doctors visits, acupuncture appointments, exhaustion, and prayer.  I thank God every single day for blessing me again.  I now see my purpose in the tragedies of last year.  I realized that God doesn’t want me to be silent about what happened and how I struggled with my faith.  I feel he is using me to help other women.  I also realized how to be a better person.  Now I don’t take life for granted.  I find good in every day.  I also love when it rains because then I have a chance of seeing a rainbow which reminds me of my angels and God’s promise.  Most people grumble when it rains but I realized it is just your attitude and realizing the storm is there for a purpose.  I am reminded of the quote “Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain”.  I could have walked away from God, I could have given up on life and my desire to have a child.  Instead, I chose to cling to God in my storm and learn to dance in the rain.  As I think about this precious baby boy inside of me as I write I think of how I have grown this past year.  Ultimately I feel that I will be a better mother and wife because I truly have learned how precious and short life really is.  Valuable lesson to learn at a young age.  I still worry about this baby but I know God is in control and I cling to his words to me, “It will be”.